thedailywhat:reddit

Sorry for showcasing some old bullshit of mine, but I just saw the above image and can’t not post this. Here’s a thing I wrote for Haypenny.com like seven or eight years ago. It hasn’t been online for probably five years, so there must be something about dinosaurs working at Blockbuster in the universe’s collective subconscious.

If Tyrannosaurus Rex Worked At Blockbuster Video: A Play in Three Acts

ACT I

It is a quiet evening at Blockbuster Video. TYRANNOSAURUS REX is putting away returned video-tapes. CUSTOMER ONE approaches him.

Customer One: Excuse me.

Tyrannosaurus Rex: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer One: Well, my husband asked me to pick up a movie to watch tonight and I’m having trouble deciding. Have you seen The Insider?

Tyrannosaurus Rex: No, have you seen the “insider” my belly?

Customer One: Well, I don’t know what that has to do with anyth…

Tyrannosaurus Rex bends over and eats Customer One.

ACT II

It is later that night. Tyrannosaurus Rex is outside, smoking a cigarette on his 15-minute break.

LUKE, the Blockbuster Video manager, comes outside.

Luke: Hey Tyrannosaurus Rex, is your watch broken?

Tyrannosaurus Rex: No, is your ass stupid?

Luke: Get back inside, break’s over.

Tyrannosaurus Rex: Fine!

Luke goes back inside.

Tyrannosaurus Rex: Dick.

ACT III

It is midnight. The store is closed and free of customers. Tyrannosaurus is vacuuming the carpet.

A HOT GIRL knocks on the window from the outside.

Tyrannosaurus Rex unlocks the door and opens it.

Tyrannosaurus Rex: What’s up?

Hot Girl: Hey, I know you’re closed but do you think I could still return my copy of Big Daddy?

Tyrannosaurus Rex: No.

Hot Girl: Why not?

Tyrannosaurus Rex: Psych, I’m just clownin’.

Hot Girl: Thanks. See you around.

The Hot Girl leaves. Tyrannosaurus Rex closes and locks the door behind her.

Luke: Hey Tyrannosaurus Rex, are you done vacuuming?

Tyrannosaurus Rex: No, I’m busy doin’ your mom.

Luke: What’d you say?

Tyrannosaurus Rex: Nothing.

The End